Kamis, 22 Agustus 2013 ;
S : kamu kok kayaknya udah lupa bngt sama masalah yg kamu hadepin sekarang
N : *cengar cengir *
S : tuh kan bisa cengar cengir gitu
N : alhamdulillah dong hahaha
L : udah lupain aja. entar sananya malah ngerasa diperebutkan trus jadi besar kepalanya
N : males juga lama-lama kalo cuman mikirin hal kayak gini. capek sendiri.
L : biarin ajalah. kalo kamu kayak gitu terus entar pasti kamunya disepelein, dianggep remeh gitu lah
N : be-ner-ba-nget
Rabu, 21 Agustus 2013 ; harus ya?
gimana ya mau ga mikir aneh-aneh dan selalu positif-thinking-kalo-ga-sesuai-sama-apa-yang-diucapin. salah ya kalo aku mikir gini?emang udah serba salah sih dari awal. apa yg diucapin sama real yg keliatan di depan mata emang beda. beda banget. jauh.
pertama kali dikasih tau emang udh ga percaya. tapi ya usaha aja buat percaya dan emang harus positif thinking. gatau bener apa enggak ya udah percaya aja. eh ternyata ucapan sama apa yg diliat malah beda bngt.
gatau harus percaya sama yang mana. yg penting pikiranku sekarang cuma ada kata 'omong doang'. I don't care sih. actually just trying not to care anymore.
sumpah ya bingung bngt. ngga jelas maunya gimana. ngomong ke A gini, ngomong ke B gitu.
kalo emang bahagianya sama yg sana yaudah dong jgn ngucapin ataupun nyeritain dan babibu lainnya supaya aku ngerti dan tau. percuma juga kan diembel-embelin kayak gitu kalo ternyata faktanya enol.
aku ga marah, bete, kesel atau apalah itu. gapapa. cuman ga ngerti aja maksut cerita versi kamu itu. tujuan nyeritain semuanya tapi kalo emng yg diliat gak sesuai sama yg diucapin terus gimana?apa harus tetep mikirnya positif?
intinya cuma ga ngerti aja sih. pusing. bingung. ga ngerti. ga-ngerti-sama-sekali. beda banget.
banyak yg sepikiran juga. bukan berarti mereka temen-temenku terus mereka ada di pihakku. mereka juga pake sudut pandang mereka sendiri. sama. sepikiran.
tinggal nunggu waktu aja kok kalo emang nantinya ga sesuai dan hal itu terjadi................
Senin, 19 Agustus 2013 ;
this time...
I can't deny, you're not gone. you're still there somewhere deep inside. it's been a long time since we started living our separated paths and the months have been rough to me just so you know. times were never easy to me.
I've been keeping them all inside. I've never told any of them to you, I've tried not to reach or contact you, at all, I tried my best to disappear from your sight.
in the past twenty-three months I've been trying to deal with the wall between us, to accept and stop inquiring. at some moment, I thought I succeeded.
lately, when I thought about you and I found the doll, music box or small things that used to remind me of you yet I felt nothing. I thought a big part of you had gone.
But I was wrong.
you proved me I was wrong.
lately, I felt so foolish. I felt like what I'd been doing for this several months was nonsense. jumping from a pair of helping hands to another pair, retrying to trust and open up for one to another. I admit I even doubted whether or not another guy I am currently seeing is the one who really want to be with. but then at the same time, maybe in the middle of our conversation, I realized that despite all my attempts, the one who actually stays inside is you.
I know there will never be a chance for our separated paths to find each other in the end. I know that you, with the live you're having, will never look back to me or anything we once had. I clearly understand that what's in my mind will only happen in my mind, that it will never come true.
but still, I can't deny that everything you do.....they all proved me I was wrong.
you're still there, somewhere deep inside.
and still, I want that part of you to stay.
