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you say that you love rain, but you open your umbrella when it rains. you say that you love the sun, but you find a shadow spot when the sun shines. you say that you love wind, but you close your windows when wind blows. this is why I'm afraid....that's what you said.
Senin, 19 Agustus 2013 ;
this time...
I can't deny, you're not gone. you're still there somewhere deep inside. it's been a long time since we started living our separated paths and the months have been rough to me just so you know. times were never easy to me.
I've been keeping them all inside. I've never told any of them to you, I've tried not to reach or contact you, at all, I tried my best to disappear from your sight.
in the past twenty-three months I've been trying to deal with the wall between us, to accept and stop inquiring. at some moment, I thought I succeeded.
lately, when I thought about you and I found the doll, music box or small things that used to remind me of you yet I felt nothing. I thought a big part of you had gone.
But I was wrong.
you proved me I was wrong.
lately, I felt so foolish. I felt like what I'd been doing for this several months was nonsense. jumping from a pair of helping hands to another pair, retrying to trust and open up for one to another. I admit I even doubted whether or not another guy I am currently seeing is the one who really want to be with. but then at the same time, maybe in the middle of our conversation, I realized that despite all my attempts, the one who actually stays inside is you.
I know there will never be a chance for our separated paths to find each other in the end. I know that you, with the live you're having, will never look back to me or anything we once had. I clearly understand that what's in my mind will only happen in my mind, that it will never come true.
but still, I can't deny that everything you do.....they all proved me I was wrong.
you're still there, somewhere deep inside.

and still, I want that part of you to stay.